043 – To Stew or Not To Stew, That is the Question

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Episode Summary

Little irritations can add up. Whether it’s coming from a student, a studio family, a colleague, or a friend, allowing ourselves to build up mental frustrations for too long is unhealthy. Here’s one easy step you can take to put humanity back into the situation.


Transcript:

Do you ever notice yourself mentally stewing over frustrations with someone in your life whether it be a student, a parent, or even a colleague, family member, or friend?

Whether it be a one-off or on-going series of frutrations, it can be easy to latch onto things and let it build in our minds until the issue starts to feel bigger than it perhaps really is.

As studio teachers, we always have one. There’s always that one student or family that feels harder than the rest. It can be easy to place those people in a little mental box and every time something happens its just adds fuel to our fire of why they’re so difficult.

I don’t know about you, but any time I allow things to fester and run wild in my mind, it begins to feel like a poison. Our minds are a powerful muscle that require awareness and self control just as our physical bodies do.

While these are often legit frustrations – I’m certainly not trying to minimize what you may be feeling or saying you should just ignore things – what I want to encourage you with today is to consider enlisting a small action that may help keep things from bottling up over time.

Are you interested? Let’s talk.


Welcome to the Piano Pantry Podcast where together we live life as independent music teachers. I’m your host, Amy Chaplin. In this space we talk about all things teacher-life related from organizing our studios to getting dinner on the table and all that comes between. You’ll get loads of easily-actionable tips on organizing and managing your studio while balancing life and home.


I’m in the mood to get right to the point today.

There is one thing that I have noticed in life can help us deal with interpersonal relationship frustrations and that is bringing humanity into the situation.

Specifically, that is, either spending time with that person one-on-one having a face to face conversation or at least talking with them on the phone.

Forget texts, forget email.

Make a legitimate point to meet face to face or to at least hear their voice. There is so much that goes into communication that gets lost without vocal inflections and body language. I don’t care how many emojis and GIFs you use – it can’t replace the emotional communication we receive from direct physical and verbal communication.

I’ve been sitting here trying to think of a clever analogy for how making a stew is like that we allow to fester but in truth, it’s the opposite of making a stew.

A stew, unlike a soup, is something that is made up of larger chunks of ingredients and is cooked with less liquid for a long period until the flavors marry and ingredients like stew meat break down. It requires slow simmer time until the flavors marry well and become balanced and cooked through.

When it comes to dealing with mental frustrations, the longer we let things sit and cook, the deeper a hole we put ourselves into. The goal is to be able to acknowledge and notice when something is starting to make you stew and be proactive before you simmer so long you run dry.

I can’t tell you how many times in my life I have let thoughts overtake and consume me to the point it was creating unnecessary mental anguish and stress.

I have found my husband to actually be a really good tool for helping draw attention to my stewing. Sometimes little things don’t stand out when they feel like one-offs but sharing regularly with a spouse or significant other can be a good way to notice trends – whether it be them pointing things out or simply you starting to feel like a broken record.

Let me share a few examples of my own experiences.

A few years ago I had a student that just was not progressing. It felt like every lesson was a struggle and a straight line. This student was a good kid and but everything just felt like pulling teeth. For weeks and months off and on I would think about this student and kind of just wish they would quit but yet still having the sense and belief that piano can be more than just moving forward constantly.

It dawned on me one day I had allowed my frustrations with this student to fester for too long and I just needed to sit down and have a chat with the parent. We scheduled a face to face meeting and I shared my concerns. Hearing feedback from the parent and hearing that parent sharing things about that student that I was aware of but hadn’t quite put into perspective was like hitting the reset button. I was able to renew my joy for that student and move forward. That parents insights helped me look at that student from a different angle and notice little things I had allowed my frustrations to overshadow.

We work with the public and it’s not always easy. As I mentioned in the introduction, no matter how good of families you have in your studio, there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t respond when you want them, always drops their kids off or picks up their kids a little late or seems to require a little extra attention in studio communication.

It never fails.

Over the years, I look back to these types of families I’ve had in my studio and realize a lot of my own irritations were due to me having certain expectations that they fit into a perfectly organized box the way I wanted them to behave.

While it was this constant cycle, the one thing that always brought me back to square one and reset my own attitude was face to face interactions. Whether it was running into the family at the grocery or mom dropping in for a quick hello after a couple of weeks away. The moment we had a chat face to face, all those little irritations began to fade away and feel less significant.

My challenge to you this week is to take notice. Pinpoint what it is that is festering in your mind and vow to find a way to pull humanity into it. Talk to the person on the phone or Face to Face if even for just a few minutes.

Do you have a parent that always a few minutes late picking their kid up? Instead of just feeling irritated about it every week, give them a call and see if that lesson time is working OK for them. Maybe they own their own business and find that the students lesson time is the only chance they have to run to the grocery for the week.

Maybe invite all your studio parents to drop in the last 5 minutes of the lesson this week for quick update.

While it’s possible that face to face meetings aren’t always perfect I am confident that 99.9% of the time you will walk away feeling better about that person or family.


“Choosing to stew over something was a great way to make me feel better’ – said no person ever.

So, to stew or not to stew – do you now know the answer to that question? I hope so!

If you’re enjoying this podcast please take a moment to head over to Apple Podcasts to give the show a five star rating. I’ve you’re on social media sometime today, make sure you’re following me on facebook at pianopantry or on instagram at amychaplinpiano.


Thanks for sticking around for today’s fun fact. This is something that has always bugged me about myself and that I really do want to do better at but haven’t quite gotten there.

That is, I am not a good horticulturalist. My mom and brother both have a pretty good green thumb they got from my grandpa and my husband also enjoys doing a garden. I, on the other hand, have gotten a repultation for killing plants.

This has gone on for forever except for the last couple of years as I’ve really been trying to make an effort to do better.

My problem is honestly, lack of effort more than anything in general. Yes, I don’t have a natural inclination on what it takes to care for plants but I also haven’t put a whole lot of effort into trying to become better.

It’s been baby steps and I will never have loads of house plants but I believe in the the benefits and beauty of having them in the home some I’m trying to do better. That is my admission for today.

See you next week!